Forgive THEM, Free YOU!

My fly mother, Mattie Ricks,  90. 

Two of my sisters are bitterly angry with our mother. I'll call them Betty and Shirley. Betty has blocked our mother's number, cursed her out, and doesn't call or visit mother on Mother's Day and her birthday. Not that my mother is a Saint.  Nor is she very demonstrative and vocal when it comes to love. She did what most mother's did in the 50s, she cooked, cleaned, washed, dragged us to church, sacrificed, and whupped our behinds when we got out of line. So she's no Monster Mom. When I asked Shirley, who is now in her sixties, "Why you mad at Momma?" She launches into this story, "One day I asked Momma for five dollars and you know I nevvveeer ask for money! She said she didn't have any! Then Jackson came and asked her for some money and she gave it to him!" Pause. Nano seconds of silence, out of respect for her pain. Then I softly said, "Okay," trying to be as understanding as a seasoned therapist, "What else did she do?" Whereupon Shirley would retell the same story, only with more feeling.  I'm sure there's more, only Shirley isn't giving it voice. If she would, she'd probably say something like, "Momma liked so and so better" or "I never felt like Momma liked me." These, I might add, are the sorts of recurring thoughts and memories that are at the very root of so much our childhood pain. Simply put, we didn't feel loved and accepted by our mothers and fathers now our spirits are stuck in the past.

This is the kind of pain we're looking to release on Saturday, July 7. But you need not wait, begin now.

Our mother is 90 years old. I look at my sisters and can see the ugliness of unforgiveness in their lives; there's bitter anger, resentment, hostility, pain, shallow relationships, addiction, unhappiness, lack of peace, a sense of separateness.  Such poisons contaminate every aspect of our lives. Shirley hates her/our mother. And you know what, her only daughter wants nothing to do with her because she has failed as a mother. See, if I am filled to the brim with poisons what do you think will come out when I am squeezed? Parenthood squeezes us. I'm not a perfect mother, but had I not forgiven my dad I am confident that I would not enjoy the relationship that I have with my daughter, Adia.

Unforgiveness is how brokenness and so-called "generational curses" are handed down through the generations.

Unforgiveness ages you. Makes you physically sick. Is, I'm convinced, one of the root causes of addictions and why so many people aren't able to stay "clean and sober." See, it's not that someone hurt you. It's that you continue to hurt yourself and your life by holding not them, but YOU, hostage with your unforgiveness.

The Bible says forgive seventy times seven. Who are you willing to forgive?

"How willing are you to forgive your brother? How much do you desire peace instead of endless strife and misery and pain? Forgiveness is your peace, for herein lies the end of separation..." ~ A Course in Miracles 

As many of you know Spirit has led me to put a call out to Sisters to Gather and Heal our Relationships through forgiveness. I was finishing my power walk through Druid Hill Park when God spoke to me and told me to ask women to come to DHP to forgive our men, fathers, mothers, siblings, sisters, and ourselves. I decided to say "Yes, I will do it." 

Come out on July 7 at 7AM to 8:30 AM. Wear White.  

Why me? I can't say for certain but for one I love Druid Hill Park, secondly, forgiveness is one of those practices that I know is of God. See, there can be no great love without forgiveness, this I know for sure. And I have experienced the magical power of forgiveness in my own life on many occasions. But it was my forgiving my father decades ago, which I talk about in my book Love Addicted, that really opened my eyes to the transformative power of forgiveness. I was twenty-five when God told me to write my father. I quickly complied. Little did I know God would dictate the letter to me. Thank God He did. All of words said in one form or another, "Daddy, I forgive you." 

Who do you need to forgive? Your father? Mother? A relative that molested you? And who wish you would forgive them? A sister friend? An ex? 

Don't tell me you've done ALL your forgiveness work. Yesterday I sought to leave copies of the flier to your right at a Christian bookstore, for their patrons. The sister, who shared a dream with me in which God showed her who she needed to forgive, refused the fliers. I walked out of that store pissed and confused. On my drive home I forgave her. See, we can get our feelings hurt for the smallest slight. When we do, we need to forgive them. When we don't, that poison ends up taking up residence in our minds, bodies and spirit. Forgiveness is a daily practice because we all always hurting and being hurt. 

Again I ask, Who do you need to forgive? Who would you have forgive you?

Sisters, we are the Healers of the Planet! Let's call our spirits back and heal ourselves and our relationships. 

DeBora 

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DeBora M. Ricks, Author/Speaker/Editor/Coach

Visit me at DeBoraRicks.com