It's a White Man's World

That's what a brother told me yesterday, in response to my question, "Why do you think black men and women have such a hard time making love work?" After giving me an assortment of not very compelling or interesting reasons, all of which I have now forgotten, he finally said, "It's a white man's world." "That's the best you got?" I wanted to yell. That same old tired stuff?

There's much I can say about this, but I'll be brief because I've got to come up with something for dinner before my teenager gets home. Now, let's examine this statement a bit, "It's a white man's world."It really warrants much thought and examination because so many people, especially black men, believe this. I worked three and a half years in a residential drug and alcohol facility where the 120 beds were largely filled by black men. I can recall one of the conversations I had with an ex-drug dealer, who said to me, "Well, you know there's no place for the black man." I guess he concluded this because "it's a white man's world." Ummmmmm. So, if it's a white's man's world, what the hell are the rest of us...Africans, Chinese, Japanese, Mexicans, Koreans, Native Americans, women and girls of all races, and all the other people that populate the planet doing here?

What I told my fine brother in the gym, "if you believe it's a white man's world your thinking and actions will be shaped by that one core belief. You will make choices and decisions out of this belief. You will limit yourself, all because you have concluded that this isn't your world." I sort of agree with my brother. In a way. That so many black men have conceded the entire planet to the white man does indeed affect how black men and women see and engage each other. This belief explains why so many brothers feel disempowered, while they believe black women have some sort of advantage that they don't have. Don't get me wrong, racism does exist. So what? Yeah, I said it. So what? If we'd stop giving racism and the white man so much power and instead recognize how powerful we are, we'd create a whole new world.

It's all in what you believe. I, for one, ain't about to give the white man the whole, entire world. No sir. Ain't I here? Aren't you here? Do you think you're a mistake? Didn't the same God that created the white man create you and me? Some of sisters' impatience and frustration with black men, I think, can be traced back to some brother believing he's powerless, thinking "there ain't no place for me" at the dining room table of good and plenty so I'll just "stay in my place" here in the kitchen.

Stop playing, it's MINE and YOUR world just as much as it is anybody's world. And when we think like this, we'll also act like it and that'll shape what kinds of experiences we have in the world...and in our intimate relationships.

Smooches!

DeBora M. Ricks

Author & Empowerment Speaker

www.DeBoraricks.com