I read an email the other morning from someone who promises she can teach any woman how to find a phenomenal guy in just 90-days. I’ve been blessed to have already attracted a phenomenal man who I hope to stay and play with for years to come. Still, curious me who wants to know everything she can about love and relationships read on. The writer says, “The SECRET is to learn how to casually date more than one guy at a time.” Date? Who dates these days? And what does it mean to date? We are dating when we go to dinner and dancing, see a movie or attend a concert with several men…but NOT sleep with them. For several reasons Dr. Kirschner’s approach works.
You see, even as we rail against this truth, rather than enjoying it, men and women are different. Men think differently about sex than women do. I know, I know. More and more women are having casual sex. Why? Because they can...and it's what they want. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. Except. If you want a committed relationship with a man who loves and respects you, there are some things you must be willing to do. One being, you must take your time sleeping with them.
Two things happen when a woman sleeps with a man too soon:
1. She can become too emotionally invested too soon, to the "wrong" man, and thus lose perspective and leveraging power
Two things happen when a woman sleeps with a man too soon:
1. She can become too emotionally invested too soon, to the "wrong" man, and thus lose perspective and leveraging power
2. Because men love the chase and enjoy a challenge they think a woman who holds off respects herself more. Consequently, they respect and value her more.
Okay, this sounds rather old fashioned, right? Sorry, but while some things have changed other things haven’t changed so much. Oh, and did I mention that men are different from women? If you desire a committed relationship with a man you’ve got to first help him see the benefit of being committed to you. No, I’m not talking about you having something to prove. It’s just this, if a man can get all the bennies like sex, nurturing, support from you without the commitment not only will he take them but he’ll take them and never even broach the topic of commitment. That’s your job. It’s the woman’s job to say, “Hey, I really like you but I don’t have sex outside of a committed relationship.” He may buck. He may leave. Let him go. The man for you won’t leave. Secretly, his respect for you will grow. If he’s ready to be committed to anybody and you’re the kind of woman he’s looking for, bingo!
About women’s attachment. Anatomy is NOT destiny but I’m convinced that our anatomy does play a part in how different men and women treat sex and love. Here’s sex 101: A man’s member enters a woman’s body. That’s invasive, intrusive, penetrating. Our bodies receive—his fluids, his energy, his spirit. The bonding hormone, oxytocin, is released from our brains. Even if we don’t fall in love, we get attached. Our hearts open. Now we want more of him than he’s agreed to give us. And we have no one but ourselves to blame.
Women, respect your needs and desires. If you don’t, who will? If all you want is a little somethin’ somethin’ from time to time, so be it. But if you long for a loving and trusting relationship with a great guy, stand for it. By the way, although dating protects you from getting attached too soon, which puts you at a disadvantage, it's a full, fun and fantastic life that makes you compelling, sexy and great partner material.
Okay, this sounds rather old fashioned, right? Sorry, but while some things have changed other things haven’t changed so much. Oh, and did I mention that men are different from women? If you desire a committed relationship with a man you’ve got to first help him see the benefit of being committed to you. No, I’m not talking about you having something to prove. It’s just this, if a man can get all the bennies like sex, nurturing, support from you without the commitment not only will he take them but he’ll take them and never even broach the topic of commitment. That’s your job. It’s the woman’s job to say, “Hey, I really like you but I don’t have sex outside of a committed relationship.” He may buck. He may leave. Let him go. The man for you won’t leave. Secretly, his respect for you will grow. If he’s ready to be committed to anybody and you’re the kind of woman he’s looking for, bingo!
About women’s attachment. Anatomy is NOT destiny but I’m convinced that our anatomy does play a part in how different men and women treat sex and love. Here’s sex 101: A man’s member enters a woman’s body. That’s invasive, intrusive, penetrating. Our bodies receive—his fluids, his energy, his spirit. The bonding hormone, oxytocin, is released from our brains. Even if we don’t fall in love, we get attached. Our hearts open. Now we want more of him than he’s agreed to give us. And we have no one but ourselves to blame.
Women, respect your needs and desires. If you don’t, who will? If all you want is a little somethin’ somethin’ from time to time, so be it. But if you long for a loving and trusting relationship with a great guy, stand for it. By the way, although dating protects you from getting attached too soon, which puts you at a disadvantage, it's a full, fun and fantastic life that makes you compelling, sexy and great partner material.
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