Whose Approval You Waiting For?

It's another one of those days when so much is swirling through my mind that rather than pick one thing to write about, I'll just muse on several. I was walking the back hills of Druid Hill Park this morning when a jogger ran by. For some reason the sight of him made me think about approval. Yeah, approval. Like whose approval are we waiting for to start living the life of our dreams? True power is giving ourselves the green lights to go. Besides, whoever approval you're waiting for to live fully probably doesn't even know you exist. This just in! Those who know you're waiting for their okay to act aren't ever going to give it to you. Why? Because so long as you need and wait for it they control you.

Later I see a guy friend working out on those weights that Recreations and Parks were kind enough to strategically place about DHP. He and I go way back. He ask me about my daughter. This leads to a conversation about how hard it is to parent a teenager. We walk and talk. We swap stories. He tells me this one story that opens my heart. When his now 21 year old was in the eight grade he goes to the school because she's been acting out and talking back to her mother. The principal keeps his girl under her wing. But there's this teacher who says to him, "Usually when a child acts this way she's sexually active." My friend says he busted out crying. He tells me, bending over his bike to demonstrate, that he cried so hard and loud that the teacher ran out the room for help. She returned with a male teacher who consoled him, as he assured him that there are so many other reasons why a child might act out. "Awwwww," I say, as I reach for him with a hug. We break out laughing, in solidarity and understanding of how tough it is to be a parent. Laughing he adds, "I'm laughing now but at the time..." My friend's story warmed my heart and helped me to remember that all black men haven't abandoned their children. And as quiet as it's kept some care as much for their children as we mothers do.

I work with people recovering from drugs and alcohol; I assist them with their legal issues. Today 108 of our former clients gathered in the Brown Building at MICA for their commencement ceremony. I resisted going to the graduation. A Black Writer's Guild meeting convened at the exact same time, 1 pm; I wanted to be there. Boy am I glad I went to the graduation. It was one of those times when you do the right thing for the right reason and you feel so damn good you did. Those graduates looked all bright and shiny, like someone had taken a rag to them and shined them up. It takes resiliency, tenacity, prayer and support to tame an addiction, of any kind. But the devastation caused by substance abuse is massive, to the individual, family, and community. Yeah, I was where I belonged today...standing for, supporting, hugging, and applauding men and women succeeding at staying clean and sober...one day at a time.