Monday, January 3, 2011

It's Not Him, It's YOU!


I hope you brought the new year in with a bang! I sure did. Me and Mike had a party at his house. There were good friends, good food prepared by us and friends, and spirits. We talked, laughed, danced, ate and did I mention we laughed. I had a blast! Right before 2011 rolled in, we went around the room and said what we'd like to create more of this year. Nobody vowed to have more love show up in their life but from my observation and conversations with friends I hear a lot of folks, especially women, want to see love on the menu in 2011.

If you want to attract a certain kind of person, commit to being that person. If you want a generous, loving, emotionally available, fun, intelligent, financially fit, passionate, self-respecting man then BE that kind of woman.

You know what that means sisters, that means you've got to let go of some things. You see, you can't become all the things I mentioned above while holding onto fear, resentment, and anger left over from your past relationships. You won't attract a tender, loving manly man if you want to wear the pants in the relationship. You won't attract a man that treats you like a diamond if you treat yourself like glass. You won't attract and sustain a soul satisfying relationship with an emotionally healthy man if you're jacked up emotionally. You won't attract a man who likes you until you like you. Unlike women, men don't generally sign-up for fixer-upper women. They won't take on the job of making you feel good about you. Instead, they'll keep it moving until they find the woman that meets their standards.

The law of attraction is ALWAYS at work. If you find you repeatedly attract men who undervalue you, who expect you to give give and give some more while they never give back to you, who leave you in a lurch, who are callous and inconsiderate don't waste your time dissecting them, look at you. You're the magnet! When you change what you think about you and men you'll attract a different caliber of man. And when you attract men you don't care to take up with, you will cease to give them your phone number. It's that simple.

If you want to attract love, BE love. Cultivate love for self and others. One night, while wrapped up in my beloved's arms I asked him, "How do you know so well how to love me?" Without missing a beat he said, "Baby, I love you the way I do because of the way you love you." Go ahead, say it, "Wow!" I sure did.

I've been on my journey towards self-love for decades. When I wasn't getting the kind of love I so deeply desired AND deserve, rather than blame the man I took responsibility for myself. That's what every woman who wants a loving relationship must do; she must take full responsibility for herself. That's the first step. Step #2: Change what you believe and think about yourself. If you think something is wrong with you, that you need fixing then guess what the men you attract will think about you? You got it! They will agree with you, that you're a mess. If they think you're a hot mess, guess how they will treat you? Right again. Step #3: Change what you think about men. Men aren't the villains we make them out to be. And neither are you a victim. You have POWER! Use it. And another thing, all the good men AREN'T taken. Shucks, even if they were once all taken, every once in awhile their relationship ends through divorce or death. If your thinking is right, you could be next in line. But for real, good men remain. Here's the thing, if you believe in scarcity, you will overlook the abundance right under your nose. Gurl, get your thinking straight!

Love is on the menu! Now, place your order and the universe will gladly serve you.

Peace & Light, DeBora

Stay tuned for my next book: Why Did He Break Up With Me? Scheduled to be released by my birthday, February 19!


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