You'll Never Amount to Anything!

"You'll. Never. Amount. To. Anything!" my father would shout. This morning, as I sat in the silence and stillness, my Science of Mind magazine open, I closed my eyes to pray, meditate, connect with Spirit and these thoughts came to me. They came because on Sunday I'll be giving a testimony at my place of worship on the theme, The Other Side of Through. Yes, I have made it to the other side of many, many  throughs.  

You'll never amount to anything! was one of my charming minister father's favorite things to say to me. What he really meant, I know today, is "I haven't amounted to anything!' He had to mean that because how could he predict MY future? Who was he or anyone to tell me, God's precious child, what life had in store for me? I didn't know it then but I now know my dad spoke about himself because whenever we hurl insults at another, we're really telling them what we think of us.  

I'm writing this post because you might be able to relate. Somebody, some so-called "smart" grownup may have told you the same thing or something quite similar. Who gave them the authority? Get all the juice out that doggone lemon that's there, then toss it...because remember, it is you, and you alone who gets to create your life...on your terms. Not based on what your mama, daddy or grand pappy said. 

Well, I have amounted to something. And you know what, I have my father to thank. Thanks to my dad-- who I have since forgiven for dumping his poor self-regard onto me--I had something hard to push against. It was my father's ugly words that fueled my ambition. It was my father's insistence that I would be nothing that drove me to be something. At 14 years old good ole dad decided that he would no longer give me lunch money and bus fare for school. God spoke. The God in me said, "I'll make it with you...or I'll make it without you!" Well, I made it.

Yep, I squeezed all the juice out of that there "you'll never amount to anything" lemon that was there! 

I have amounted to something. Not because I am a lawyer, author, editor, speaker, mother to a bright, loving, powerful soon to be Howard freshman, homeowner, gold card carrying member, world traveler, pretty good daughter to my mother, no, I've amounted to something because my life has meaning. I like my life. And I do good work in the world. Even before I heard Les Brown command, "don't let another person's opinion become your reality" years ago I'd resolved to not let anybody tell me who I get be, what I get to have, and what I get to do. That is, nobody gets to tell us how good it can get for us. Given my rather rough beginning, I think I done done good. But I can't take the credit for it; it was Divine Mind that did it. I only take credit for being wise enough to turn within to this Power, listen and take heed.

Smooches!
DeBora
Visit me on the Web
Visit us at the Spiritual Empowerment Center, 2129 N. Charles Street, Baltimore, MD 21218 on Sundays at 10:30 AM, a member of the Centers for Spiritual Living. 

In 2012, Get Brand New on 'Em

In hours, this year, 2011, is done. Like me, perhaps you are thinking about 2012. How you can make it better, sweeter, richer than 2011. So, how do we expand into greater goodness? Let me share just a few things that I think can make a difference.

1. Get Brand New 'Em - That is, forget about who you were yesterday. Be brand new today. Rather than living inside an old, tired story that limits you, why not embrace a whole new story about you? Never mind what your family and friends will say, this is YOUR life! Live it on your terms. Just like they can't die for you, they can't live for you. Shucks, whether we succeed, or fail, people will find something to say about us. Why not give 'em something juicy to talk about, get brand new on 'em!

2.Know You're the Stuff - What we think about, we bring about. Go ahead, think you're wonderful, fabulous, gorgeous, pretty damn special. Go on, you making all this stuff up anyway. Why not make up things that empower you. Dump those old, limiting thoughts that tell you what you ain't, what you can't do and adopt empowering thoughts about you that kick your life into high gear. You think you're powerful, gorgeous, and compelling long enough you'll have the rest of us thinking the same thing about you.

3. Leap - Take a leap of faith, forward. Just because you've never written a book, that don't mean you can't write one in 2012. Okay, okay, the unknown can be a b&!#h! So what? Guess what, what you're doing now was once a mystery to you. Now it's old hat. You weren't born knowing how to read, ride a bike, network, dance, do hair. You learned though, didn't you? You might have fell off that bike 10 times, but you kept at it didn't you? I went to college scared to death. You would have thought I was headed to the guillotine. I was even scared while I applied to law school! During the seven years that it took me to complete my book Love Addicted, I experienced every kind of fear imaginable. It's absolutely okay to be afraid, so long as you don't let fear immobilize you. Make that call, it could alter the trajectory of your life. Start that business. Take a public speaking class. Write that book. Remember, even a small leap forward is better than another big idea that you never put into action.

4. Stay With It - People don't get what they want in life because they quit at the smallest sign of difficulty. When I took yoga, the instructor would walk softly about the room, observing folks in their various awkward poses, look at them knowingly and say gently, "Staaaaaayyyyyy with it." He knew our minds and bodies were experiencing discomfort. He also knew expansion in mind and body would only occur if we staaaaaaayyyyed with it. Resist the urge to flicker from one thing to the next every time things get sticky. Every time you gotta do something new. Every time you get scared. Like the infamous they say, anything worth having requires some work. If the Great Spirit known as God gave it to you, it'll work. You'll have to push through the discomfort to experience the joys of sweet success.

5. Know YOU - If you don't know you, then you don't know what you want. If you don't know you, then you will be clueless about what gifts you came to give the world. Stop trying to keep up with the Kardashians and tune into you! Meditate, pray, journal, walk in nature. Also, make friends with people you wouldn't mind being mistaken for, people you admire, think highly of, people you're impressed with. Hang out with people who build you up, people who think you're pretty special too, people who can see when you're not living up to your potential and will lovingly call you on it.

6. Grow Your Skills - No matter how long you meditate and how loud you pray, if you know how to use a computer or write a business plan, you better ask something...for some help. Prayer and meditation do what they do, then we've got to move our feet. We've got to invest in ourselves with books, courses, classes, CDs, DVDs and the like. If you don't, you will tread water forever. But if you want to swim to the other shore, then you've got to learn the things you don't know. What you choose not to learn, hire the right people to assist you. People like website designers, graphic artists, editors, public relations gurus, etc. Oh, and there's a whole world of free information out there. See below how you can get my FREE e-book.

7. Take Care of You - Eat good, wholesome foods. Drink lots of water. Exercise regularly. Have fun. Laugh out loud. Go someplace you've only dreamed of going. Get massages. Go dancing. Spend time with people you adore. Let go of toxic people. Cease to spend time with people who only tolerate you. Surround yourself with people that celebrate you. Dream BIG! Take action, even baby steps will get you there. Enjoy the journey!

I promise you, if you take just one of these steps you will transform your life!

Smooches! DeBora

Be sure to buy a copy of my book, Love Addicted

To read an excerpt of Love Addicted and my soon to be released new book, Why Did He Break Up With Me? and download my FREE e-book on How to Write a Book that $ell visit www.DeBoraricks.com

It's a White Man's World

That's what a brother told me yesterday, in response to my question, "Why do you think black men and women have such a hard time making love work?" After giving me an assortment of not very compelling or interesting reasons, all of which I have now forgotten, he finally said, "It's a white man's world." "That's the best you got?" I wanted to yell. That same old tired stuff?

There's much I can say about this, but I'll be brief because I've got to come up with something for dinner before my teenager gets home. Now, let's examine this statement a bit, "It's a white man's world."It really warrants much thought and examination because so many people, especially black men, believe this. I worked three and a half years in a residential drug and alcohol facility where the 120 beds were largely filled by black men. I can recall one of the conversations I had with an ex-drug dealer, who said to me, "Well, you know there's no place for the black man." I guess he concluded this because "it's a white man's world." Ummmmmm. So, if it's a white's man's world, what the hell are the rest of us...Africans, Chinese, Japanese, Mexicans, Koreans, Native Americans, women and girls of all races, and all the other people that populate the planet doing here?

What I told my fine brother in the gym, "if you believe it's a white man's world your thinking and actions will be shaped by that one core belief. You will make choices and decisions out of this belief. You will limit yourself, all because you have concluded that this isn't your world." I sort of agree with my brother. In a way. That so many black men have conceded the entire planet to the white man does indeed affect how black men and women see and engage each other. This belief explains why so many brothers feel disempowered, while they believe black women have some sort of advantage that they don't have. Don't get me wrong, racism does exist. So what? Yeah, I said it. So what? If we'd stop giving racism and the white man so much power and instead recognize how powerful we are, we'd create a whole new world.

It's all in what you believe. I, for one, ain't about to give the white man the whole, entire world. No sir. Ain't I here? Aren't you here? Do you think you're a mistake? Didn't the same God that created the white man create you and me? Some of sisters' impatience and frustration with black men, I think, can be traced back to some brother believing he's powerless, thinking "there ain't no place for me" at the dining room table of good and plenty so I'll just "stay in my place" here in the kitchen.

Stop playing, it's MINE and YOUR world just as much as it is anybody's world. And when we think like this, we'll also act like it and that'll shape what kinds of experiences we have in the world...and in our intimate relationships.

Smooches!

DeBora M. Ricks

Author & Empowerment Speaker

www.DeBoraricks.com

Limitless

I've been busy, speaking to athletes and social work students on college campuses and doing a training in ethics for a health organization. The reason this is significant is because for the longest time I said I wanted to not only speak more but get paid to do it. At last, I'm getting paid. I intended it. I decided it was time. Time to dig deep and believe in me. Intellectually I "knew" I had skills. But on an emotional level I wasn't quite sure. I didn't really KNOW; had I really known I was capable of doing the things I'm loving to do right now they would have been showing up in my life. But no worries, we have the power to raise our consciousness and thus transform our life.

"Each one of us has that capacity to move from a limited and confining sense of identification to an expanded sense of awareness. That is what we mean by transformation." - James O'Dea

This quote came to me in an online message that I regularly receive. It captures my experience. I'm feeling more expanded, confident and capable these days. And where there's fear I'm willing to move through it rather than allow it to stop me. What changed, you might wonder. I got tired. I grew tired of not having the life I've been pining for for years. Parts of my life have been out of control, like my spending. It's not that I'd spend hundreds on Jimmy Choo sandals, instead I would just spend for the wrong reasons. Like I'd shop to feel alive, beautiful, loved. Isn't that why we buy pretty things ladies, we want to feel pretty too? We also shop to fill up those empty places in our life. Or to avoid feeling the fullness of the pain after a loss. Instead of crying we shop. And shop...and shop some more.

So, I reined in my shopping. In the last month or so I've spent less than $75 on clothes. More importantly, I'm learning to manage my finances with my eyes wide open. Just before coming here to write, something told me to call AT&T even though I just paid them yesterday. Well, I owed $39.81 on the current bill...and the due date is today! I pushed about 3 more buttons and paid it.
Here's my point, when we're out of control, like our finances are shaky, it's hard to feel confident, sexy and powerful. Oh, another spiritually savvy thing that I do (once again) is tithe. Other than helping the Spiritual Empowerment Center doors remain open, tithing helps me to feel abundant, keeps me in alignment with Truth and it works. When I give to the entity that feeds me spiritually, one that supports me in strengthening my money magnetism my cup runneth over with money making opportunities.

Life likes order. The more I get my spiritual house in order, the more I experience real change in all areas of my life...because we live from the inside out. First there's right thinking then the manifestations. I don't know about you but I am tickled that I can do this right from a comfortable chair in my home through meditation and prayer and being still.

When we believe in ourselves and the Power that created us, are willing to take risks even when our knees rattle, stand forth in our beauty and brilliance even in the face of seemingly opposition we create the life we've been dreaming of...sooner rather than later.