I love black women. Shucks, I'm a black woman, uh, if that wasn't already apparent I thought I'd state the obvious. I love ME, so love for my sisters come easy. I love black men, too. Sure, black men can sometimes be challenging for a multitude of reasons. And yes, many haven't stepped up to the plate...or even made sure the plate was full when their babies needed some porridge. Too many of our brothers, fathers, sons, mates are on drugs, on the streets or in prison. I know, I know and lots of them are lost and confused and emotionally unstable. Too many are abusive, verbally and physically. Not enough of them see theirs or our value.
Still, there are many black men who are great dads, fine husbands, committed partners, business men handling their bizness, college students, loyal guy friends, fearless leaders, and more.
It's not as if I've not have my challenges with men. My minister father treated me like he didn't want or love me. I've had boyfriends who cheated on me, were verbally abusive, and were MIA when I needed them most. But if you'd do a background check on me re: my intimate relationships, oh well, brothers could tell you life "ain't been no crystal stairs" with DeBora either. At least it wasn't always smooth sailing from start to finish. I got my issues. They got theirs. Still, none of this makes me or him unlovable or undeserving of love, respect, and recognition.
Despite it all, we have a responsibility to show each other some love. Yes, I chose that word "responsibility" quite deliberately. If we say we love God, and 90% of Americans claim to believe in a God of their understanding, then we must learn to love our brothers, again. How can you say you love God, whom you can't see, but despise your brother...who you see and walk by daily?
To my sisters I say, if you truly desire a good relationship with ONE black man, then get busy forgiving ALL black men. Any man who has disrespected, ignored, devalued, left, hurt, harmed, betrayed, abandoned, beat, abused, molested, or raped you deserves your forgiveness. More importantly, YOU deserve the benefits of forgiving ALL. Forgiveness FREES you. Forgiving my dad was the best thing I did for me! Why not adopt what Jesus said about those who hung him on the cross, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do."
DeBora M. Ricks
Speaker/Author of Love Addicted: One Woman's Spiritual Journey through Emotional Dependency
and the soon to be released, Why Did He Break Up With Me? Lessons in Love, Loss & Letting Go
First, allow me to express my deepest gratitude to our Heavenly Father for creating DeBora M. Ricks. Your voice is much appreciated in todays age of love. Yes, many sisters do not care to love, know how to love or forgive a Blackman. Yes, I understand a few historic and present reasons why sisters feel as they do but sisters, don't perpetuate the subconscious negative propaganda about us. Some of us are unconscious victims of our environment and circumstances. Regardless, we still are strong, loving and caring fathers, husbands and men. In addition, another reason why sisters may consciously or unconsciously despise brothers, may be their lack of self love. Yes, projection. We mirror our thoughts, feelings and beliefs about our experiences and reality.
ReplyDeleteThanks again DeBora for your blog and may our Father continue to use you...