Why You Aren't Attracting Men

This is me, at 56! Who's invisible? 

Audrey Edwards had sex with an old flame.  She wrote about it in ESSENCE magazine. So what, right? Well, it's deemed newsworthy because Edwards is over fifty.  Per some folks (I'm not one of them), it's no small feat for a woman over fifty to get laid. Audrey Chapman, a therapist who does a relationship show on WHUR,  interviewed Edwards. I'd read Edwards article and am in my fifties, so I couldn't wait to hear their discussion.

I learned some things. Or rather, some things were confirmed. The mature male listeners largely called in to say they really would like to date women their age, fifty and over, but such women are no longer sweet and juicy. My choice of words. "Most women over fifty have let themselves go," one man said nicely. On top of that, they are usually no longer sweet. What's the opposite of sweet? Yep, bitter. One guy said he was in his sixties and buffed. He wants a woman who works out.

A few women called in too. Women over fifty. Their common complaint was that they felt invisible and had a tough time attracting and meeting men. Well, if men don't see you...that would explain why they don't approach and ask you for your digits. These women were confused. They didn't know why they were being overlooked. One woman said she was bitter, had decided she no longer had any use for men but she just couldn't figure out why she was still single. She's the only one in the dark about this.

Here's why I'm writing this piece. I want women to take their power back. If you're under fifty, get your mind right NOW! If you're over fifty, stop giving in to the myth that you're old, invisible, and undesirable.

See, old is a state of mind. When a woman believes she can be beautiful, sexy, and desirable at any age, well then she will be beautiful, sexy, and desirable even as the years accumulate.

When a friend of mine entered her thirties she prepared to be fat. One summer she went shopping and bought herself a closet full of long moo-moos, to cover her soon to be fat legs. She told me, "DeBora, I just assumed that getting fat came with growing another year older." We both burst out laughing. Such a thought never crossed my mind. But I realized she wasn't alone in how she thought about maturing.

"Then I met you," she said.

She calls me her "secret weapon." I inspired her to exercise and she lost 30 pounds! Man, she looks amazing too! She knocked fifteen years off her looks. No kidding.

So, this is for you. If you're a woman over a certain age and you're having trouble attracting men I have something for you. If you want men falling all over themselves to get to you, adopt these "strategies."

1. Cultivate a Lightness of Being. If you're bitter, jaded, cynical, or angry then you got some folks to forgive. Begin with you. Then your daddy. Next your exes. Forgive yourself for ALL the so-called bad choices you made in men. Really, sweetie, there's no such thing as the wrong man. Every man comes to teach you something about yourself and life. Unforgiveness weighs you down. Being light, playful, fun, and easy to love makes a woman magical and magnetic and compelling. Men of all ages will be drawn to you. 
2. Change your mindset about "aging." In fact, stop thinking about your age altogether. If you're one of those women that's always talking about "I can't wear this because I'm old" or is famous for saying stuff like, "when you get to be MY age such and such," then your thoughts are aging you. Yep, your THOUGHTS are making you old. Wear what feels good, looks good, and for goodness sakes, what's contemporary or classic. I don't mean trendy. I mean let go of those clothes you wore in the 70s and 80s. Oh, while I'm at it, update your hairstyle. What worked for you 20 years ago probably dates you now. Get fresh. 
3. Take care of your Temple. Yes, exercise. Sorry, but you can't escape it. Exercise is one of the most "youthing" things you can do. It's truly the fountain of youth. Strength train. Jump rope. Do cardio. Stretch. Oh, and eat right. I eat a Mediterranean Diet. If you don't know what that is, Google it. 

Don't believe everything you read or hear. Men love women. When a woman takes care of herself in mind, body, and spirit...like good wine she grows better with the years. Such a woman has no problem attracting men. Let me tell ya, I speak from experience.

Smooches! 

DeBora
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DeBora M. Ricks

Author of Why Did He Break Up With Me?

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