Earlier today I was talking to a guy friend of mine who's going through a break up. He admits, "It hurts." One day he's proudly doing well, emotionally speaking. Another day he snaps, "Man, I give up. I'm tired of relationships. I just give up!" He's lying. He ain't throwing in the towel on love. He's told me more than once, "Man, I don't want to be like my father, he died young and alone. "
Anyway, we talk often, lot's of time it's about love and relationships. One of my favorite topics. Sometimes I'm his relationship coach, other times I'm "just" his friend. Today he says, "DeBora, do you know how many women your age hate men? Do you? So many women give up on love. They might act like they don't hate men, but they do. You need to write a book about how you have managed to keep your heart open...even after being hurt so many times." He knows my story. I've known rivers... Well, I remind him, "I am writing a book...and it's about breakups." Yeah, that's what Why Did He Break Up With Me? is all about.
Yeah, I've been left broken hearted more times than I care to share. But never have I, at least not for long, given up on love and men. Except for that time back in 1999. I remember hating men, specifically black men. Though 1999 stands out, I'm sure my hatred wasn't confined to just one year. Still, 1999 was a pivotal year. It was the year that I can remember how bitterly I hated brothers. So many toxic sterotypical thoughts and beliefs about brothers rolled around in my head, and of course my experience. Poor me. Hate can kill you, you know. Here's a shameless plug: I write about how I felt about brothers in my first book, Love Addicted. And about how I finally woke up, forgave them and forgave myself. You can buy a copy (or two) from http://www.deboraricks.com/ Okay, end of ad.
So here's where I'm going with this. As I was saying, my guy friend, who I'll call Ian, applauds my resiliency and asks me, "How do you do that, how do you keep your heart open after being hurt so many times?" Here's my secret. Feel free to take notes.
1. When a man left me, I'd sit in my favorite spot on my queen size bed and cry my heart out...if that's how I felt.
2. While sitting and crying, I'd pray. This would be my prayer, "God, deliver me." Just three little words.
3. You've heard of the Resurrection, right? Well, in three days my spirit would resurrect.
4. I journal. Been journaling since 1985. Journaling helps me see my part in the demise of the relationship.
5. I repeat, I get to see my part in the demise of the relationship.
6. I remember that I'm lovable, no matter the man's choice. I AM lovable.
7. I forgive. Forgiveness is a process. I forgive me and him. Then I EXPECT love to find me AGAIN! And it does.
So many women are angry and bitter not because they have been hurt; they're angry and bitter and resentful because they don't take responsibility for themselves, for their part, but instead blame the man for what happened to them. If a man mistreats you, abuses you, batters you with fist or words and you tolerate it, you not only invited him into your life but you've permitted him to camp out there. You have the power to evict anyone who doesn't love you good and right. Then forgive him...and you. He's not villain and you're not a victim. Your forgiveness cleans the slate, which allows something new to show up. When we don't forgive it turns into resentment and hate. That's why so many women, especially black women, hate men. Oh, and learn something from your experience. Take the wisdom with you to your next adventure in love.
Anyway, we talk often, lot's of time it's about love and relationships. One of my favorite topics. Sometimes I'm his relationship coach, other times I'm "just" his friend. Today he says, "DeBora, do you know how many women your age hate men? Do you? So many women give up on love. They might act like they don't hate men, but they do. You need to write a book about how you have managed to keep your heart open...even after being hurt so many times." He knows my story. I've known rivers... Well, I remind him, "I am writing a book...and it's about breakups." Yeah, that's what Why Did He Break Up With Me? is all about.
Yeah, I've been left broken hearted more times than I care to share. But never have I, at least not for long, given up on love and men. Except for that time back in 1999. I remember hating men, specifically black men. Though 1999 stands out, I'm sure my hatred wasn't confined to just one year. Still, 1999 was a pivotal year. It was the year that I can remember how bitterly I hated brothers. So many toxic sterotypical thoughts and beliefs about brothers rolled around in my head, and of course my experience. Poor me. Hate can kill you, you know. Here's a shameless plug: I write about how I felt about brothers in my first book, Love Addicted. And about how I finally woke up, forgave them and forgave myself. You can buy a copy (or two) from http://www.deboraricks.com/ Okay, end of ad.
So here's where I'm going with this. As I was saying, my guy friend, who I'll call Ian, applauds my resiliency and asks me, "How do you do that, how do you keep your heart open after being hurt so many times?" Here's my secret. Feel free to take notes.
1. When a man left me, I'd sit in my favorite spot on my queen size bed and cry my heart out...if that's how I felt.
2. While sitting and crying, I'd pray. This would be my prayer, "God, deliver me." Just three little words.
3. You've heard of the Resurrection, right? Well, in three days my spirit would resurrect.
4. I journal. Been journaling since 1985. Journaling helps me see my part in the demise of the relationship.
5. I repeat, I get to see my part in the demise of the relationship.
6. I remember that I'm lovable, no matter the man's choice. I AM lovable.
7. I forgive. Forgiveness is a process. I forgive me and him. Then I EXPECT love to find me AGAIN! And it does.
So many women are angry and bitter not because they have been hurt; they're angry and bitter and resentful because they don't take responsibility for themselves, for their part, but instead blame the man for what happened to them. If a man mistreats you, abuses you, batters you with fist or words and you tolerate it, you not only invited him into your life but you've permitted him to camp out there. You have the power to evict anyone who doesn't love you good and right. Then forgive him...and you. He's not villain and you're not a victim. Your forgiveness cleans the slate, which allows something new to show up. When we don't forgive it turns into resentment and hate. That's why so many women, especially black women, hate men. Oh, and learn something from your experience. Take the wisdom with you to your next adventure in love.
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