What do men want from women, really? Once upon a time when I was needy and clingy I thought if I'd heal this tendency to be a pain in the butt my intimate relationships with men would be transformed. Not in everyway but at least men would applaud my independence because I would place fewer demands on them. You see, when we're emotionally self-sufficient we're lots more fun to be with because we're not demanding that someone else take care of us. And you might know how exhausting it is to take care of another so-called grown up.
So, I'd "worked" all my life to create a life I love. Though there are surely some areas of my life that could be better, like I'm still working on my first million, overall I like my life. There's a stack of interesting books just waiting for my attention. I love reading and the very thought of a good book makes me salivate. I exercise. Not in a gym anymore though. I wanted to see how fit I could be on my own so I walk Lake Montebello 5-6 times a week with 5 lb weights. Jump rope. Do the wheel, sit ups and look forward to sweating like a piglet when I start doing bikram yoga soon. I'm a mother; I enjoy my daughter. She needs me too. Soon she'll be gone to college. Boo Hoo. I'm also a daughter. Mom's 88. I drive her to church on the Sundays she feels up to going. Weekdays I spend assisting recovering folks with their legal issues. God, please make my next book a bestseller! The clients are great, if you know what I mean.
Back to men. What in God's name do they want from us? Why don't they get that a woman can love them madly and yet NOT wish to spend every waking hour with them? Why is it so hard for men to appreciate that a woman can actually LIKE her life enough to want to keep living it rather than rush to trade it in for another life? His life.
Male Privilege. That's what my friend Ian calls it. I remember reading about male privilege when I was in college. Back then the word "white" was often in front of "male privilege." But trust and believe this, black men also benefit from male privilege. "Male privilege," Ian says, "is a dis-ease." It ruined all of his relationships, he says. He was abusive, emotionally, to every woman he was involved with. What does male privilege look like? A few examples. It's male privilege at work...
1. when a man thinks and acts as if a woman's fundamental reason for being on the planet is to serve his needs
2. when a man talks over and interrupts a woman in a conversation
3. when a man is given credit for articulating an idea that a woman had already offered
4. when a man demands that a woman be at his beck and call
5. when a man seeks to control a woman by telling her what to wear, where to go, when to speak, who to socialize with, what to do with her time
6. when a man assumes because he has a penis he's smarter than any woman
7. when a man misuses his physical stature and deeper voice in a threatening way to get his point across
8. when a man doesn't listen to a woman
9. when a man doesn't value a woman's time, priorities, commitments, goals, vision for her life
10. when a man insist that "his" woman accompany him to places that matter to him while refusing to accompany her to places and events that matter to her
10. when a man rapes, gang rape, molests and sexually violate women and children
11. when a man slaps, punches, kicks, spits on, and kills a woman...he claims to love
12. when a man is encouraged and even praised for having a harem of women
It isn't that men are bad. No, not at all. Out of touch with the time and the need for a change, yes. Bad, no. And too many of them are oblivious to the impact that their chauvinism (male privilege) has on them, their intimate relationships, families, communities. More and more women are making a living and name for themselves. These women love their life...and would love to share it with a good and loving man. But the chauvinistic man demands too damn much. Like I told my buddy Ian, "A man is not my life...nor is he my God!" And yet, he is loved.
So, I'd "worked" all my life to create a life I love. Though there are surely some areas of my life that could be better, like I'm still working on my first million, overall I like my life. There's a stack of interesting books just waiting for my attention. I love reading and the very thought of a good book makes me salivate. I exercise. Not in a gym anymore though. I wanted to see how fit I could be on my own so I walk Lake Montebello 5-6 times a week with 5 lb weights. Jump rope. Do the wheel, sit ups and look forward to sweating like a piglet when I start doing bikram yoga soon. I'm a mother; I enjoy my daughter. She needs me too. Soon she'll be gone to college. Boo Hoo. I'm also a daughter. Mom's 88. I drive her to church on the Sundays she feels up to going. Weekdays I spend assisting recovering folks with their legal issues. God, please make my next book a bestseller! The clients are great, if you know what I mean.
Back to men. What in God's name do they want from us? Why don't they get that a woman can love them madly and yet NOT wish to spend every waking hour with them? Why is it so hard for men to appreciate that a woman can actually LIKE her life enough to want to keep living it rather than rush to trade it in for another life? His life.
Male Privilege. That's what my friend Ian calls it. I remember reading about male privilege when I was in college. Back then the word "white" was often in front of "male privilege." But trust and believe this, black men also benefit from male privilege. "Male privilege," Ian says, "is a dis-ease." It ruined all of his relationships, he says. He was abusive, emotionally, to every woman he was involved with. What does male privilege look like? A few examples. It's male privilege at work...
1. when a man thinks and acts as if a woman's fundamental reason for being on the planet is to serve his needs
2. when a man talks over and interrupts a woman in a conversation
3. when a man is given credit for articulating an idea that a woman had already offered
4. when a man demands that a woman be at his beck and call
5. when a man seeks to control a woman by telling her what to wear, where to go, when to speak, who to socialize with, what to do with her time
6. when a man assumes because he has a penis he's smarter than any woman
7. when a man misuses his physical stature and deeper voice in a threatening way to get his point across
8. when a man doesn't listen to a woman
9. when a man doesn't value a woman's time, priorities, commitments, goals, vision for her life
10. when a man insist that "his" woman accompany him to places that matter to him while refusing to accompany her to places and events that matter to her
10. when a man rapes, gang rape, molests and sexually violate women and children
11. when a man slaps, punches, kicks, spits on, and kills a woman...he claims to love
12. when a man is encouraged and even praised for having a harem of women
It isn't that men are bad. No, not at all. Out of touch with the time and the need for a change, yes. Bad, no. And too many of them are oblivious to the impact that their chauvinism (male privilege) has on them, their intimate relationships, families, communities. More and more women are making a living and name for themselves. These women love their life...and would love to share it with a good and loving man. But the chauvinistic man demands too damn much. Like I told my buddy Ian, "A man is not my life...nor is he my God!" And yet, he is loved.
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