Something is always coursing through my mind, not keeping me up at nights but certainly a recurring theme in many of my conversations, with both friends and strangers. As i observe myself in my relationship with my beloved, watch a couple I know go through a break up, and talk to people about life, one thing that I know for sure is that all of us, both women AND men, have unresolved childhood issues that come up when we get scared. And we know one of the things that scares us most is either the loss or even threat of loss, imagined or real, of a cherished love relationship. Whether that relationship is sailing on life's waters smoothly or we have just entered another storm, when it looks as if we are about to lose someone we adore our little wounded self gets triggered. She gets scared.
So, I've decided that that little girl fearful of abandonment because her daddy emotionally abandoned and abused her decades ago will likely always be with me. Sure, I've healed a lot over the many years through prayer, meditation, self-love, trial and error in relationships, therapy, self-help groups, being a part of a loving spiritual community and having a circle of women and men friends who accept me just as I am. And still, my little girl lives on. And boy, can she tremble and shake when it looks like she's about to be left by a man she loves. Only now, instead of letting her convince me that it's better that I run for the hills to show him that I, no, she can make it with or without him, I, DeBora, talks to her. I talk some sense into her. I also console her. In other words, I've learned to self-soothe. When that isn't enough, I call a sisterfriend. I also talk to my man. Can you believe it, but I actually tell him how I feel, that I'm scared...without making him wrong. Well, I do my level best, to use one of my dad's favorite terms. Yes, I communicate my true feelings. I give my little girl a voice. Because sometimes all she's asking me to do is to say what she needs to say...and be heard is good too.
What scares you? And what do you do when you're afraid? Do you attack? Run? Cry? Talk? Could you learn some new ways to take care of your wounded little self? Do share.
So, I've decided that that little girl fearful of abandonment because her daddy emotionally abandoned and abused her decades ago will likely always be with me. Sure, I've healed a lot over the many years through prayer, meditation, self-love, trial and error in relationships, therapy, self-help groups, being a part of a loving spiritual community and having a circle of women and men friends who accept me just as I am. And still, my little girl lives on. And boy, can she tremble and shake when it looks like she's about to be left by a man she loves. Only now, instead of letting her convince me that it's better that I run for the hills to show him that I, no, she can make it with or without him, I, DeBora, talks to her. I talk some sense into her. I also console her. In other words, I've learned to self-soothe. When that isn't enough, I call a sisterfriend. I also talk to my man. Can you believe it, but I actually tell him how I feel, that I'm scared...without making him wrong. Well, I do my level best, to use one of my dad's favorite terms. Yes, I communicate my true feelings. I give my little girl a voice. Because sometimes all she's asking me to do is to say what she needs to say...and be heard is good too.
What scares you? And what do you do when you're afraid? Do you attack? Run? Cry? Talk? Could you learn some new ways to take care of your wounded little self? Do share.
I do all of the above depending on the situation. If its a relationship that I feel I'm losing....I cry...I grieve...sometimes blame myself for not being good enough. Yes, I talk to friends but not as much as to myself. Mostly I pray and ask God to help me get through it...that works best for me...no judgment and nobody has to know but me and my best friend...Divine Spirit.
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